Hello Blog, my old friend. It’s been far too long. How long has it been since I created a personal blog for therapeutic purposes? I think the last one was 2005, which would make it about 10 years. I stopped blogging because frankly it started to feel narcissistic and I got tired of talking about myself. Now, I find myself needing it again. There’s some really dark shit inside of me and I need a place to put it, a place to release it. An anonymous place, where I can be free to say what I want – good, bad or indifferent without there being consequences. I also need a place where I can write and get that mental exercise in. I’m a writer, I need to be writing but I need a clean place in my mind to write from.
Life sure has changed in the last ten years, in so many ways. Now, I have a public persona. I’m a professional writer and for some odd damn reason, what I say matters. People get offended if I get too personal. I have no idea why – it makes zero sense to me but I’ve lost a ton of business and contacts for being “too personal” online. What a bullshit double standard we have in life these days.
I don’t know why life has to be so complicated. We all struggle in it – why can’t we just accept that and move on? Instead it has to be hidden away, like a secret. Don’t talk about job loss. Don’t talk about financial trouble. Don’t talk about disappointment. Heaven help you, don’t talk about divorce! Or sex. Or love. Or being frustrated as a parent. No, we’re expected to keep all that nasty shit inside of us until it explodes.
Well, personally I’m a pressure cooker and I need to let off some steam or I’ll explode. So world, welcome to my steam. This is where I intend to share all the crazy, rambling, chaotic, not-so-nice crap in my head and heart that keeps me from moving forward. I will talk about divorce, because I’m in the process of one. I kicked my husband out in March and tore my family apart. *Gasp* By choice even! Because staying in it any longer was not healthy and I was done playing that game.
I’m going to use foul (sometimes even fowl!) language when I feel like it. There will likely be puns and wordplay because that’s who I am. I might even occassionally use the F word but that will likely be minimal because really, that kind of language is cheating. I am here to clear my head, my heart, and my soul of all the good and bad in my life, whatever that may be. I am going to talk about taboo subjects, like religion and politics. World events and what I think. Music I like and what their lyrics mean to me. I’m going to change my mind when I want to. I’m not going to apologize for my thoughts or my feelings – because how can you apologize for either of those? I am going to write the truth as I know it, in that moment. And I may come to realize other truths along the way and share those too.
And you, dear reader, are more than welcome to stick around for the ride and vicariously enjoy the view of whatever landscape we’re in. What you are NOT welcome to do is attempt to censor, criticize or otherwise make me feel bad. This is my sandbox – you either follow the rules or get out. Your choice. Comments will be accepted but moderated because, well, we all hate that stupid spam crap so I’ll do my duty and prevent that from dirtying the sandbox. You can even disagree with me, if you do so respectfully. We can agree to disagree. We can debate it. Or you can not comment at all. That’s your choice. If you’d like to leave words of encouragement, support, or advice, all of those things are welcome and appreciated. I welcome a community – I’ve built one before and I hope that one will blossom again.
There might be a post a day, there might be ten. There might be weeks when I don’t post at all because I either am too damn busy or I don’t have anything to say. I’m not putting any rules on it because it seems to me in life that rules are the best way to kill something real. And there is definitely one thing this blog will be: real.
Hope you stick around.