Center of the Sun: A Song About Overcoming Sexual Slavery

I’ve got Pandora going on my iPad. The kids are quietly playing, the house is in reasonable order, and my sweetheart is on the road, driving for work. I’m in a writing mood and feeling a little contemplative. Then this song came on.

Center Of The Sun by Conjure One

Young girl in the market
Music to the men
When the men leave
Her eyes are red
When her eyes are closed again she sees the dark market of above

And she sings
‘They say the most horrible things
But I hear violins, when I close my eyes
I am at the center of the sun
And I cannot be hurt
By anything this wicked world has done’

Young boy in the market
Follows all the men
When the men leave
He’s out of his head
When his eyes are closed again he sees the dark market of above

And he sings
‘They break the most beautiful things
But I hear violins, when I close my eyes
I am at the center of the sun
And I cannot be hurt
By anything this wicked world has done
I look into your eyes
And I am at the center of the sun
And I cannot be hurt
By anything this wicked world has done’

Center of the sun

Young boy in the market
Sees the girl alone
And asks her
‘Have you lost your way home?’
She sings
‘You say the most beautiful things, just like my violins’

I look into your eyes
I am at the center of the sun
And I cannot be hurt
By anything this wicked world has done

When I close my eyes
I am at the center of the sun
And I cannot be hurt
By anything this wicked world has done

‘Cause
I hear violins
I hear violins

I hear violins
I hear violins

Center of the sun

I hear …violins

This is such a beautiful song about overcoming sexual abuse. Human sex trafficking is a world-wide epidemic and this song puts a face to that problem. The FBI reports it is the third largest criminal enterprise in the world. But at the end of the day, it’s about humans and this song is a testament to the strength of the human spirit. It makes me wonder about the singer and songwriter. What do they know? What is their history? What made them produce such a song? Was it something they saw or something they experienced?

Having experienced sexual molestation from my father, I can really identify with this song.Trying to endure the pain, the soul-ripping horror of being violated. Trying to overcome it. For so many years I didn’t even know I was molested and finally understanding it unlocked a lot of doors for me. It helped me understand myself so much better.

Now, I find myself healthy sexually. I enjoy sex, and know how to pursue that pleasure with a partner. In an honest, trusting relationship sex is beautiful, fun, fulfilling and so satisfying. I have learned the two are separate. I suppose I was fortunate because I discovered masturbation at an early age. I was about 9. I don’t quite recall what prompted me to do it but I put one of my teddy bears between my legs and began grinding against it. It wasn’t long before I had my first ever orgasm.

What an incredible feeling! It made my whole body warm and tingly. I wanted to do it again. Masturbation became a regular activity for me from that point on. As beautiful of an experience that was, my next memory is not so good.

One day, I had just finished masturbating and was laying in the sweaty afterglow when my father’s voice entered the room. I will never forget the sight of him peering down at me through my bedroom screen and asking me if I had fun. To this day there is something very disturbing about knowing he watched me pleasure myself.

Now, however, I make love with a loving, kind and understanding partner who fulfills me in more ways that I can even express. He is also a sexual abuse survivor yet somehow we have both overcome that part of our lives, and give and receive pleasure from each other regularly. It’s really quite amazing. So I encourage others who have suffered sexual abuse – it can be overcome and you can be healthy with time and effort. Don’t let fear hold you back.

 

 

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