A Really Great Day

Today was a great day. For the first time in a really long time, I feel like I have myself together. I am moving forward a little at a time and today really showed that I am finally starting to gain some velocity toward my goals. If my life were a train, then I have been struggling up one big mountain and I think I have finally topped the crest of it.

I paid for my real estate exam and set an appointment for my fingerprints. My fiancé recently took a second job as a driver for Uber so I also signed up as a driver for Uber in my local area, which will hopefully give some additional income to get us out of this rut we have been stuck in for the last eight months. The nice thing is we will net $450 in referral bonuses because he referred me.

If you want to check out the program for yourself and earn an easy $250 (after your first 20 rides), just go here to learn more and sign up. My fiancé made $200 his first week for about 10 hours of work and he didn’t know what he was doing. It’s a great secondary income if you have a decent vehicle. We are even considering leasing a vehicle with them. We expect to bring in about $1,600 – $2,000 extra dollars a month, in addition to other revenue streams. It’s not for everyone but it’s going to get us on track with our financial goals.

I ran errands much of the day once my fiancé got home, including getting a Thanksgiving turkey and ham for next week as well as some other supplies we really needed. It felt good to be able to get what we needed for once. There weren’t any extras but after having so little for so long, it feels like abundance. Even scrimping and saving as much as I can, our grocery bill topped $600 this month (including food stamps which only covered 45%). Feeding a family of five is not easy. Feeding three people with metabolisms like horses is an incredible task.

Three of us are gluten sensitive or intolerant. I am allergic to a wide variety of spices (any kind of dried pepper essentially). Our nine year old son (P) has ADHD so we try to limit his sugar and he is growing like a weed! He eats the same amount of food as his father who is 6’2! Our oldest daughter (A) is 6 feet tall and only in the last month discovered she is severely gluten intolerant. It has put her in the hospital ER twice in the last six weeks.

Fortunately, thanks to a great digestive health specialist and the help of the internet, we have A finally on the mend. But trying to keep us stocked in vegetables and healthy proteins is a tall task. And expensive! I am sad to say I had to go to a couple food pantries for help this month because we just couldn’t keep up with the prices. Fortunately I was able to donate almost as much as we received in stuff we couldn’t eat.

One major issue we still have to deal with is getting P gluten free meals at school. I am not confident in my ability to pack him a healthy, filling lunch every day, especially with our financial pressures currently. I will soon be working as much as 50 hours a week as we try desperately to bring in enough money for Christmas. Fortunately, our oldest will be watching the kids for a while to make things work smoothly.

We didn’t eat badly per se but to make meals stretch further, I would buy cheaper meats in bulk and include a lot of pasta. I also learned that for ADHD children, protein is even more critically important. Now that we are feeding our son the right foods, and supplementing his meals with protein bars, his behavior has become completely compliant and we have our sweet boy back.

Last night I spent a few hours working on Married to a Narcissist and wrote over 2,000 words without stopping. It’s definitely hard to open up that way but at the same time it feels really good to analyze my life from a different point of view. I find myself including details and finding new insights as a result. I wore out at almost eleven, and fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. That’s the first time I have done that in years. I was up again at six a.m., bright eyed and ready to take on the day. My optimism, hope, and strength is surging back and I am honestly relieved. I am by no means miraculously recovered but I have definitely turned an important corner.

I find myself looking forward to the hard work ahead instead of being overwhelmed by it. My spirit has brightened and my soul feels lighter than it has in months, years even. The darkness is receding and being replaced with light.

Our oldest daughter A is just starting her recovery journey. She moved in with us when she turned 18 and graduated high school. Her bio mother is a narcissist and her step-father is abusive. She is starting to open up to our help and learning to trust and accept our love. It’s taken six months of hard work but she is taking the first shaky steps and I couldn’t be more proud.

I see so much of myself in her. The pain and uncertainty. The fear and the desire to be strong through it all. The need to be in control and not rely on anyone else yet yearning for love and acceptance. Her PTSD is starting to really manifest itself and we are working on getting her counseling at a local women’s center. Since we both need it I told her I would go with her so she wouldn’t be alone.

I don’t fully understand why but I love this young woman. I was drawn to her the very first time I spoke to her on the phone. We talked for almost two hours while I was in Costco. I must have walked that warehouse ten times as we talked! Meeting her was like meeting an old friend again.

Maybe because the child within me recognizes a kindred spirit and wants to help heal her wounds. I see so much potential in her if she can overcome the pain. She is a beautiful woman who doesn’t realize it yet but I see it clearly. It gives me tremendous joy to watch her start her journey toward self-love and acceptance. I am witnessing the healing between her and her father as they come together and it is beautiful. Seeing these two people who I love grow in trust and friendship is incredible.

I am so very grateful for these gifts. I have a loving amazing family and our future is so bright together. I am so excited for the future. Considering where I was eight months ago, that’s a huge step forward. I would tell any victims who are struggling to just keep moving forward. Sometimes it’s two steps forward then one and a half steps back, but with time and perseverance, you CAN get there. I am living proof. Don’t give up and have hope!

Til next time,

The Rambler


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